Planning for home…not sure where home is…

The Tim Tams I found on my desk this morning made me a little 懐かしい、and the open window means I have to wear a scarf at my desk (I shouldn’t have decided against the jacket this morning), add that to the general fatigue related ennui, I was pleased to flip open my diary and find that I will be on my way back to Australia in seven and a half weeks.

But that number is bigger than I thought.

I keep saying I’m going home but home is a slippery concept, considering I live and work here, and have for the past year and a bit, which is about as long as I’ve lived in any single house since high school. Without dragging out tired cliches (wow, I just did then) I don’t actually know where my heart is now. Shimizu? Kochi? Shimokitazawa? Perth? Somewhere else? But I have been gathering a list of things I miss, things I will be hoping to spend my 16 days in Western Australia doing.

First is the list of things I want to do in Melbourne:

Shopping- Genki, that vegan shoe store I’ve never been able to find, Chapel St, basically anywhere.

Coffee- my first port of call will be a cafe, any cafe. I’ll get to Flinders St (nerdy side point; my favourite train station in the world) walk up to federation square, get coffee and then search out Dad’s apartment.

Drinking- The Girsch Institute (I hope it’s as dead-quiet as last time, that was awesome. It really added to the atmosphere of the bar to be the only ones there. All night. We were the only people out on the stormiest January night in Melbourne history, except for a bunch of backpackers who of course had no idea about this bar)

People watching- can be done anywhere.

Public transport- although this will be more of an unavoidable fact of life than anything I’ll go out of my way to do.

The on to Perth for more of the same. Plus:

The boxing day test

Beer and Pizza at Little Creatures

Actual vegetarian food at Analakshmi, That Hare Krishna restaurant whose name I forget, Lotus, Maoz, possibly even a trip out to Curtin just for kebabs

Beer and Frits at the Belgian Beer Cafe

Maybe Pizza at Centrepoint, and I might make a mix CD of Japanese experimental music for John

Beer and…food, I guess, at the Parky

Coffee, shopping and indy film in Leederville.

Coffee, shopping and maybe more indy film in Mt Lawley

Burgers at Alfred’s

Burgers and a $5 shake at Retro Betty’s

Crepes, cherries, shopping at Fremantle Markets

Picnic in King’s Park, with cheese, olives, sundried tomatoes, bread, Tim Tams, Ocean Spray Red Grapefruit juice!!!

Rottnest and the Pinnacles, because it’s been a while

Margaret River for Southbound, and hopefully a day at the beach

Swapping of books (I’m thinking of reading Crime and Punishment on the way, giving it to Dad in Melbourne because I will have finished it during my ten hour transit in Thailand, and picking up other books as I go along, leaving ones I’ve read behind to save space in my suitcase)

 

I will make a similar list of things to do during my four day return transit in Thailand. And maybe one for me eight hours in Fukuoka. Although that will either be spent meeting old friends or relaxing in a public bath. Next week in Tokyo I will set out a detailed plan so I can probably not actually follow it and just spend the whole time doing whatever. I’ll try to get a phone so people can contact me. Although of course every time it rings I’ll have to say もしもし just because I’m a real Japanese Salary Man now.

 

It looks like I was wrong + Tokyo highlights

Regarding my earlier posts on Japanese words for ‘please’, and another planned post on Japanese words for ‘I/me’ I guess I was wrong. It turns out English is just as weird with its paradigms. If you ask for a translation of どういたしましてany Japanese-English dictionary will say ‘You’re Welcome.’ But I’m meant to teach English as it’s spoken, so I was asked to provide a few more examples. Japanese only has one or two because gratitude is pretty much ingrained in formality (this means a conversation at a cash register with a Japanese person is always the same, on the plus side this means no fake ‘how are you?’, that’s saved for English class) Yet we could think of eight synonyms in English, ranging from ‘any time’ (it always gets a laugh when I say that in Japanese…) to ‘no, thank you‘

 Which brings me to another topic: me digging holes for myself. I should learn not to do things like try to explain the difference in pronunciation between ‘no thank you’ (いいえ、けっこうです） and ‘no, thank you’ 　（いいえ、こちらこそう)

And I should never, ever, ever again try to explain the difference between American and Australian pronunciations of the English for 出来ない. This is because ‘a’, ‘ar,’ and ‘u’ are all pretty much translated as あ. It is amusing, however, in that I had a teenage Japanese girl repeating the dirtiest word in the English language, over and over again, in a crowded Tokyo metro train.

I think from now on I’ll just let my students stick to the American pronunciation. I can live with ‘can’t' rhyming with ‘ant’ 

 Others include ’sit’ and ’shit’, and ’clap’ and ‘crap.’ And I swear I’m not being immature, Japanese people honestly have a hard time distinguishing between these. I’m here to fight that with the Queen’s English.

Yesterday I had an experience a lot of JETs complain about; it’s in the interview, in the journals and the general information handbook, it’s one of those things we’re taught to deal with, That is, being told to mark correct English incorrect because it’s not what’s in the book. My example is unbelievably unbelievable because of a multiple choice question, three answers were correct. It was a ‘finish this sentence’ question, that went like this:

“Complete this sentence: a mountain covered ________ snow”

And the choices were ‘in,’ ‘by,’ ‘with’ and ‘to’

All the English speakers reading this blog try to answer that question. And while you’re there, try to help me with other synonyms for ‘you’re welcome’

That wasn’t the only one, merely the worst because there was not one but two acceptable answers I was asked to mark wrong. On the same page there was another similar one, but most kids got it ‘right’ because there was a hint that gave it away. On the next page there was a passive activity, asking students to convert passive statements into questions. The sentence was ‘he had some balls in his hands’

OK, that time it was just me being immature…

Also on Monday I’m refereeing a Sumo tournament for fifth and sixth graders, in the name of English education. Why? I don’t really know…

 

Oh oh oh, and next weeks face-to-face interview test with Junior High School second year students, one of the questions is ’shall we dance’

If any kid says yes I am so spending the whole rest of their allocated minute dancing with them. Or maybe that’s a bad idea…

 

Anyway, onto Tokyo highlights:

-vegetarian food (and another vegetarian to eat it with)

-Risa’s bout of swearing on the Metro

-people-watching and generally relaxing

-chocolate croissants

-bookstores

-picnics

- wandering/wondering around Omote-sando

-public transport adventures (during the best day I accidentally ended up at 東京タワー, then　東京ミドタゥン, 渋谷、表三度 and finally 下北沢)  

 

Showa Day

Yesterday was Showa Day. Now, celebrating a dead emperor’s birthday makes as much sense to me as the fact that boys’ day is a holiday and girls’ day isn’t (well, this is Japan, so that kind of makes sense) But it did mean kicking back on a Tuesday, and making up for the fact that I was working on ANZAC day. It also gave me the chance to appreciate the newly fine weather, plant some more herbs, and read. And in the evening, for reasons I am powerless to explain, Sam and I drove an hour to a wedding celebration for people we’d never met.

Two weird things happened: I remember wondering when the shaken (compulsory insurance, without which I can’t drive) runs out on my car- it turns out it was yesterday. So we had to get home by midnight. I also forgot my International Driver’s Permit. Which is a bit of a problem, as I have no idea where it is.

Secondly, the father of the groom was incredibly drunk, he would hit me to get my attention, and once he touched me inappropriately. He also tried to set me up with every women who walked past. Most of whom were married, one was his wife, one was one of my students.

One of my elementary school students.

One of my male elementary school students.

So I can now say I’ve been to a hippy wedding party in Japan and heard Beach Boys covers in Japanese. So many things I never thought I would be able to say.

Leaving for Tokyo on Friday, I’m going to try to blog from my iPod, using free wireless at McDonalds. Wish me luck.

 

More 漢字

I’m spending my morning catching up with online news and trying to write down a few things that came to me during my eight hour transport epic yesterday. These include recipes using Vegemite, a less-flawed, systematic way of learning 漢字, and this quote from Spaced about toasted-cheese sandwiches

Daisy: In the end, our relationship was just like a sandwich toaster. You know, you just forget you’ve got one. And it just sits there on the top of the cupboard collecting a layer of greasy fudge. And even if you do see it you just assume it’s broken, you think if it’s working I’d be using it all the time, but you don’t and it just sits there. Then one day, you get an overwhelming desire for toasted sandwiches, you know? And you get it down and it works, and you can’t believe it, you know? And then you make every kind of toasted sandwich there is, you have toasted sandwich parties. You make Marmite and cheese, chocolate and…
Tim: Pilchards.
Daisy: Banana and…
Bilbo: Acorns.
Daisy: Acorns. And then as quickly as the desire comes, it just goes. And then you put the toaster sandwich maker away. And, you know what?
Tim: What?
Daisy: You don’t miss it.
Bilbo: So what you’re saying is ‘Don’t hide the toasted sandwich maker away, use him regularly and you’ll get the most out of him’.
Tim: No, she’s saying ‘Chuck your boyfriend, have a sandwich’.

(and the Google search keywords I went through to find that! Oh, auto-complete will be full of the most interesting nonsense)

It occured to me that the toasted cheese sandwich maker, which sits in somewhere deep in the cupboard of western-houses (like a more prevalent version of the waffle-iron), with a crusty layer of melted cheese from its last use, months before, doesn’t really exist in Japan- and the alternatives are things like rice cookers (although rice cookers here get used- a lot) and Takoyaki thingies. Cooking impliments with a very specific use. Any recipe I offered for toasted cheese and vegemite sandwiches would have to take into account that a Japanese household does not contain this indispensible, yet rarely used, kitchen tool. Bread here, too, is different (far too thick) and the cheese is not really Cheddary enough, and doesn’t have the fantastic meltiness of Coon, or the sharpness of a good Mt Barker or Watsonia block of Cheddar. Vegemite isn’t too hard to find, but it does present a bit of a challenge for anyone living outside of a big city, although I think there are a few stores in Kochi city that sell it.

So, here’s a recipe for Cheesymite Scrolls instead (ignoring the fact that most Japanese households lack an oven)

2 cups self raising flour
30gr butter, chilled, chopped
3/4 cup milk

preheat oven to 200c. line a large baking tray with baking paper.
sift flour into a large bowl.
add butter. using your fingertips, rub butter into flour until combined. make a well in the centre and add milk. using a flat bladed knife, stir until mixture is almost combined. using your hands kneed out on a floured surface. use a rolling pin to roll out dough and top with cheese and vegemite roll up dough firmly ike a swiss roll. cut into 12 slices and arrange scrolls close together
bake for 18 to 20 minutes

 And the 漢字, I worked this out

子 means ‘Child’, easy enough

学 means ‘learn’, a child with some kind of learning hat on

見　means ’see’

覚　means ‘remember’, seeing and learning!

The trouble is I knew those four already. Aside from remembering that 複雑　is complicated (that’s what it means. Also it is complicated) I need a better way to learn this. I think that better way is by reading lots and lots.

But, if you’re ever in Australia, get yourself a loaf of white bread, a tub of margarine, a jar of vegemite, a 1kg block of any semi-matured or matured cheddar cheese, and a sandwich toaster. Ingredients and impliments are both available from all big supermarkets. Spread the bread thick with the margarine, and put it margarine-side down on the sandwich toaster (to stop it sticking), spread a thin layer of vegemite over the side facing up (the spread should be TRANSLUCENT- not opaque. The bread should be entirely visible) and place half-centimetre slices of cheese over the vegemite. Finally, place another slice of margarine-spread bread on top to complete the sandwich, with the margarine side facing up. Close the sandwich toaster and turn the power on. It might take a little effort to close. Wait five to ten minutes, when you come back the sandwiches should be toasted to a golden colour. Turn the power off and remove the sandwiches using a butter knife, and consume while hot and delicious.

(These sandwiches, eaten cold the morning after a drunken sandwich-making party, are a good remedy for a hangover. Seriously! And almost anything you can think of can be put in them)

 Lastly, I bought a new ten megapixel Olympus camera, with a ridiculous amount of zoom and manual focus. The focus is great, the super macro shots I took of the Cherry Blossoms in Fukuoka look great on my desktop, a 22″ screen, meaning a single blossom takes up about 14 inches! I didn’t buy it from Yodobashi Camera, for two reasons, one is that they didn’t have an affordable digital camera with manual focus, and the second is that I can’t stand the voice of the girl who does the English ‘Welcome to Yodobashi Camera’ recording, especially the way she says ‘Canon’

Although the French one is super-sexy. ‘Bonjour et bienvenue a Yodobashi Camera…’

Fantastic!

Edit: I was in the Fukuoka Asian Art Museum on Thursday, and a cameraman from NHK interviewed me! He said I’d be on TV on Saturday morning, and if there was a report I missed it. I doubt I would’ve made it anyway, when I have a camera pointed at me I tend to forget any language.

So If anyone was watching NHK in Fukuoka on Saturday morning, the bumbling gaijin was me!